<< rewind ; [#] `-
Thursday, December 29, 2005
AHH.
today was cool.
HAHA.
i didnt train at all.!!
HAHA.actually i did.
BUT I DIED.
from 12 percent.
TO 9.
BLEHHS.
haha.
OHH WELLS.
today aint that bad.
WAHAHA.
i decorated the tree.!
KINDA LATE ISNT IT.
haha.
DOESNT MATTER.!
it proved that.
I DID IT THIS CHRISTMAS.
I GOT THE PHOTOS.!
HAHA.
i will put them UP.
haha.
i think i would.
IF I HAVE THE TIME.
haha.
im BUSY lately.!
HAHA.'
im lvl 30 now.
WAHAHAH.
cool.?
VERY.!
LOL.
okay nevermind.
hard to train ya know.
HAHA.anyway,
DOESNT MATTER.
cause xinyi is waiting for me.!
HAHA.!
when im lvl 35.!
THEN SHE CONTINUE.
so nice :)
haha.!
AND NICK.
AHHHHH.!!!
no fair.!!
LVL 32 mage.!
HE STARTED AT THE SAME TIME AS ME.!
ohh blehhs.
OHH WELLS.
anyway.
MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS TO ALL.
reading this post :)
i think.theres NO ONe to wish.!
HAHA.
cause no one.
READS THESE.!
they are LAME.
used 13 HAHAS here.
wait.
NOW ITS 14 HAHAS.
ahh.15.!
xD STUPID.!
anyway.
WAWA.!
im bored
:)
<< rewind; ` [x]
11:04 PM
back to the past; *
- x x x -
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
HAHA.
FINALLY.!
can go online.
YOU KNOW.
my comp had been CRAZY.
yesterday it hung 18 TIMES IN AN HR.
like wth.!?
AND TODAY THE INTERNET WAS LIKE.
STUCK.!?
lol.
i dont know whats with it.
zZz
and finally when i got it fixed.
I HAD TO GO OFF.
like wth.!?
AND YOU KNOW WHAT.?!
i cant play in the afternoons anymore.
ONLY AT NIGHT.
walao.!
NO FAIR.
why only at night.?!
CAUSE MOM SAID.
you got to read your sec 3 books.
WTH.
wow.
she really comes up with lame excuses.
OHH WTH.
whatever larhhs.
so i did.
NOT.!
haha.
i dont care.
read comics.
watched tv.
slept.
DID EVERYTHING.
except reading sec3 books and playing the piano.
HOW NICE.
isnt it.?
LOL.
anyway.
IM LVL 30.
hah.
11%
BLEHHS.
so long to 100%.!
and i need to be lvl 35.
QUICK.
if not.
XINYI HAS TO WAIT LONG LONG LONG.
maybe..
till she gets white hair.?
wahahah.
i dont know.
I WILL TRY THO.
but playing only at night.
FOR SURE.
I CANT LVL IN JUST 2 HRS.
really.
2 hrs aint enough.
SO.
I'LL TRY MY BEST.!
haha.
i think i'll try
^^"
and do xinyi proud.!
wahwah.
xinyi.!
you're my mom.?
HAHA.
<< rewind; ` [x]
10:56 PM
back to the past; *
- x x x -
Tuesday, December 27, 2005
ahh.
why am i stupid.?
i write personal thoughts on this thing.
and i didnt want anyone to see it.
isnt it stupid.?
that i wrote here.?
haiis.
anyway.
should i put a pws.?
haha.
whatever it is.
IM BACK.!
haha.
from malaysia.!
haha.
hmm.
the roller coaster was COOL.
2 loops.!
HAHA.
so fun.!
but the going down part.
COULD KILL.
those butterflies in my stomach.
ARE SO TICKLISH.!
haha.!!
and i kept laughing.!
haha.
straining my stomach muscle.
haha.
PAIN.
lol.
doesnt matter.
IT WAS FUN AFTER ALL.
haha.
didnt do much shopping.
IN FACT.
I DIDNT.!
haha.
doesnt matter.
shopping is boring
zZz
anyway.
haha.
we watched SCARY MOVIES AT NIGHT.
haha.
it was FUN.
scream together.
laugh together.
this feeling.
rawks.
wahaha.
anyway.
the coach we took.
THAT GUY WHO SERVED US.
IS GAY.
wahaha.
didnt know.
i only thought he was a GIRL.
but later he went to the GUYS TOILET.
haha.
so thats it.
he is gay ^^
haha.
anyway.
it was fun.!
WE WATCHED MOVIES ON THE COACH.!
haha.
ate.
and ate.
drank.
fun ^^
ahh.
cheryl asked me about my previous post.
shocked.
she read.
haha.
was shocked really.
i nv thought anyone would read it.
anyway.
had to tell her isnt it.?
i mean.
its not something that i cant tell..
but.
it hurts telling.
i suppose..
trying hard to keep it inside me.
and now i have to let it go..
i cant do that.!
i cant do that at all..
i thank nick who tried to help.
but i cant.
really.
i cant..
it only hurts.
it only goes.
deeper and deeper.
till i cant reach it.
and when i can finally touch it.
it hurts.
like crazy.
how to let it go.?
i dont know..
anyway.
its going to be new yrs..
i hope i can leave it.
till next time..
till..
next christmas..
<< rewind; ` [x]
3:56 PM
back to the past; *
- x x x -
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
there.
its christmas again.
again.
once more.
i see it.
just there.
that memory.
that memory.
of just me.
and you.
celebrating it.
decorating that tree.
with someone.
and thats when.
i felt happy.
really happy.
that you were there for me.
but it all shattered.
gone.
cause of me.
im sorry.
i dont want to remember it.
anymore.
but.
how not to remember.
im now at that very same spot.
very same area.
very same date.
we spent together.
the evidence is gone.
but the memory.
in my brain.
is still there.
i could remember as though
it happened yesterday.
but.
do you remember it.?
does it hurt when you remember it.?
or is it just a memory.
that has passed for 2 years.?
is it just that way.?
if it is.
why does it hurt me.
me alone.
why do i even.
get hurt over such a memory.
but even so.
i dont want to lose this memory.
i dont believe that.
any memory is worth forgetting.
none.
and im sure.
one day.
i'll get over this.
this feeling.
this memory.
im sure.
i'll be able to do that.
<< rewind; ` [x]
10:03 PM
back to the past; *
- x x x -
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
today i realised.
it isnt what i want isnt it.?
i didnt want it to end up this way is it not.?
or is it cause i WANTED it to be that way.
to be like this.
for everyone to suffer.
is it that way.?
i dont know.
i dont know.
im running arent i.
running.
from everything.
betraying myself.
not believing myself.
is it that way.?
or.
is it that.
im afraid.
afriad that.
i'll nv get to be as close to you now.
is it that way.?
why.
why am i thinking that way.
i havent even tried.
why jump to conclusions.
so do i have to believe that life.
is like that.?
its to run.?
when you meet a problem.?
does it always have to be that way.?
why.
who set that rule.?
all these questions flashing across my mind.
but.
i dont have that answer.
none.
all i kept doing was to leave every problem into that box.
in a box.
that i'll never open again.
isnt that running away.?
not wanting to face the problem.?
why.
i dont know.
a thousand whys.
and no answer.
none.
i tell ppl that i believe life is to see others happy.
to laugh.
to cry.
to enjoy.
to play.
but.
im not thinking that way at all.
am i.?
i feel horrible telling people that.
cause.
to me.
to live is to die again.
is it not.?
no its not.
what i tell others.
are different.
to my thinking.
why.?
i can help others.
but i cant help myself.
at all.
and im all the time trying my best.
to be happy.
to see the people around me.
be happy.
but inside.
am i smiling.?
am i.
really smiling.?
if i am.
why is there.
a dark shadow.
there.
deep down.
im hiding.
from what.
from who.
i dont know.
and i hope.
i'll be able to find that answer.
to fight this dark shadow.
to really.
smile.
<< rewind; ` [x]
6:36 PM
back to the past; *
- x x x -
Monday, December 19, 2005
when i saw your nick.
i felt happy.
finally.
you're able to be happy.
new reasons to live.
i thank god you found them.
i'm the one who caused your troubles.
and i cant solve them for you..
im so sorry.
i didnt mean for it that way.
i wanted to help you see.
that there are many things in life worth living for.
but i failed.
i brought more things that arent worth living for.
im so sorry.
i didnt mean it that way.
i felt that.
im the cause.
i dont want to bring anymore trouble to you.
no more.
i know it must have been hard on you.
and im sorry.
a setback after another.
again and again.
making you lose hope.
im sorry.
i didnt mean it that way.
if only you didnt know me..
is what i always thought of.
cause if it wasnt for me.
nothing of these would have happened.
nothing.
and now.
after seeing your nick.
i felt relieved.
you were able to cherish your life now.
you're able to see.
that there are reasons to live.
in this world.
i thank god.
i really do.
im sorry for causing you problems.
i feel that.
its best.
if you do not associate with me.
for i.
am a horrible person.
i cause trouble for everyone.
everyone.
and im truely sorry.
i heard you're doing fine.
and i really felt relieved.
my whole heart sank when i realised you lost hope.
lost hope to live.
i really wanted you.
to see that there is something in life worth living for.
and i only made it worse.
i made it much much more worse..
but now.
i really thank god you're okay.
i didnt want to say this to you on the tele.
or on msn.
cause i know.
i wouldnt be able to say it.
out.
just like that.
so i hope.
you'll read this.
you'll know im refering to you.
and i just want to remind you.
there is no such thing as living without a reason.
you're born for a reason.
it may be for a person.
or a job.
or something.
you live for a reason.
you may be living to help someone.
or do something great.
but i feel.
that by living.
you're able to smile.
able to laugh.
to cry.
to enjoy.
to see that.
your friends.
family.
anyone.
are happy.
too be able to share your friend's trouble.
to be able to help when your friend is in need.
i feel that.
that is my reason to live.
i hope that.
you'll be able to find your reason.
that reason.
worth living for.
so.
dont take life so lightly.
you're lucky to be alive.
to have a family.
to have friends.
you're fortunate.
please see that.
if you leave.
everyone would be sad.
trust me.
its not that people dont like you.
they are just not used to be with people like you.
cause you're unique.
someone like you cant be found on any street.
you're not weird.
you arent a freak.
you're just unique.
and im sure.
there are people.
people near you.
or those you havent met.
they would love you for who you are.
im sure.
you're able to meet that someone.
someday.
so.
i hope now.
that you're reading this.
and understand.
that im sorry.
and i hope that.
you wont treat your life.
that lightly.
anymore..
<< rewind; ` [x]
9:30 PM
back to the past; *
- x x x -
Sunday, December 18, 2005
blehhs.
CURSE THAT IDIOT.
who tempered with my html.?!
and all along i thought my pic aint working.
WENT TO SEE HTML.
shock in my life.
WHERES THE OTHER HALF.!?
why is there a BIG gap in the middle.!?
OOOOOOHHHH.!!
that made me so pissed.
HAD TO REDO IT AGAIN.!
blehhs.
NOW ITS DONE.
but slightly different.
BLEHHS.
haha.
i cant remember some parts of it.
SO I HAD TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
haiis.
haha.
OHH.
and today.
IS CHERYL'S BDAY.!
haha.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL.!
haha.
today. i decided.
I WONT BE JUMPING ANYMORE.
i'll TRAIN.
no more jumping.
NOT NOW.
haha.
no mood.!?
FOR 2 WHOLE DAYS.
I COULDNT GET IT DONE.
forget it.
I'LL JUST TRAIN.
or i'll slow down.
haha.
yay.
haha.
finally didi is back ^^
haha.
i wont be BORED anymore.!!
happy.!!
:)
<< rewind; ` [x]
4:13 PM
back to the past; *
- x x x -