my blog

2005-12-29T23:04:00.000-08:00

AHH.

today was cool.

HAHA.

i didnt train at all.!!

HAHA.actually i did.

BUT I DIED.

from 12 percent.

TO 9.

BLEHHS.

haha.

OHH WELLS.

today aint that bad.

WAHAHA.

i decorated the tree.!

KINDA LATE ISNT IT.

haha.

DOESNT MATTER.!

it proved that.

I DID IT THIS CHRISTMAS.

I GOT THE PHOTOS.!

HAHA.

i will put them UP.

haha.

i think i would.

IF I HAVE THE TIME.

haha.

im BUSY lately.!

HAHA.'

im lvl 30 now.

WAHAHAH.

cool.?

VERY.!

LOL.

okay nevermind.

hard to train ya know.

HAHA.anyway,

DOESNT MATTER.

cause xinyi is waiting for me.!

HAHA.!

when im lvl 35.!

THEN SHE CONTINUE.

so nice :)

haha.!

AND NICK.

AHHHHH.!!!

no fair.!!

LVL 32 mage.!

HE STARTED AT THE SAME TIME AS ME.!

ohh blehhs.

OHH WELLS.

anyway.

MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS TO ALL.

reading this post :)

i think.theres NO ONe to wish.!

HAHA.

cause no one.

READS THESE.!

they are LAME.

used 13 HAHAS here.

wait.

NOW ITS 14 HAHAS.

ahh.15.!

xD STUPID.!

anyway.

WAWA.!

im bored

2005-12-28T22:56:00.000-08:00

HAHA.
FINALLY.!
can go online.
YOU KNOW.
my comp had been CRAZY.
yesterday it hung 18 TIMES IN AN HR.
like wth.!?
AND TODAY THE INTERNET WAS LIKE.
STUCK.!?
lol.
i dont know whats with it.
zZz
and finally when i got it fixed.
I HAD TO GO OFF.
like wth.!?
AND YOU KNOW WHAT.?!
i cant play in the afternoons anymore.
ONLY AT NIGHT.
walao.!
NO FAIR.
why only at night.?!
CAUSE MOM SAID.
you got to read your sec 3 books.
WTH.
wow.
she really comes up with lame excuses.
OHH WTH.
whatever larhhs.
so i did.
NOT.!
haha.
i dont care.
read comics.
watched tv.
slept.
DID EVERYTHING.
except reading sec3 books and playing the piano.
HOW NICE.
isnt it.?
LOL.
anyway.
IM LVL 30.
hah.
11%
BLEHHS.
so long to 100%.!
and i need to be lvl 35.
QUICK.
if not.
XINYI HAS TO WAIT LONG LONG LONG.
maybe..
till she gets white hair.?
wahahah.
i dont know.
I WILL TRY THO.
but playing only at night.
FOR SURE.
I CANT LVL IN JUST 2 HRS.
really.
2 hrs aint enough.
SO.
I'LL TRY MY BEST.!
haha.
i think i'll try
^^"
and do xinyi proud.!
wahwah.
xinyi.!
you're my mom.?
HAHA.

2005-12-27T15:56:00.000-08:00

ahh.
why am i stupid.?
i write personal thoughts on this thing.
and i didnt want anyone to see it.
isnt it stupid.?
that i wrote here.?
haiis.
anyway.
should i put a pws.?
haha.
whatever it is.
IM BACK.!
haha.
from malaysia.!
haha.
hmm.
the roller coaster was COOL.
2 loops.!
HAHA.
so fun.!
but the going down part.
COULD KILL.
those butterflies in my stomach.
ARE SO TICKLISH.!
haha.!!
and i kept laughing.!
haha.
straining my stomach muscle.
haha.
PAIN.
lol.
doesnt matter.
IT WAS FUN AFTER ALL.
haha.
didnt do much shopping.
IN FACT.
I DIDNT.!
haha.
doesnt matter.
shopping is boring
zZz
anyway.
haha.
we watched SCARY MOVIES AT NIGHT.
haha.
it was FUN.
scream together.
laugh together.
this feeling.
rawks.
wahaha.
anyway.
the coach we took.
THAT GUY WHO SERVED US.
IS GAY.
wahaha.
didnt know.
i only thought he was a GIRL.
but later he went to the GUYS TOILET.
haha.
so thats it.
he is gay ^^
haha.
anyway.
it was fun.!
WE WATCHED MOVIES ON THE COACH.!
haha.
ate.
and ate.
drank.
fun ^^
ahh.
cheryl asked me about my previous post.
shocked.
she read.
haha.
was shocked really.
i nv thought anyone would read it.
anyway.
had to tell her isnt it.?
i mean.
its not something that i cant tell..
but.
it hurts telling.
i suppose..
trying hard to keep it inside me.
and now i have to let it go..
i cant do that.!
i cant do that at all..
i thank nick who tried to help.
but i cant.
really.
i cant..
it only hurts.
it only goes.
deeper and deeper.
till i cant reach it.
and when i can finally touch it.
it hurts.
like crazy.
how to let it go.?
i dont know..
anyway.
its going to be new yrs..
i hope i can leave it.
till next time..
till..
next christmas..

2005-12-21T22:03:00.000-08:00

there.
its christmas again.
again.
once more.
i see it.
just there.
that memory.
that memory.
of just me.
and you.
celebrating it.
decorating that tree.
with someone.
and thats when.
i felt happy.
really happy.
that you were there for me.
but it all shattered.
gone.
cause of me.
im sorry.
i dont want to remember it.
anymore.
but.
how not to remember.
im now at that very same spot.
very same area.
very same date.
we spent together.
the evidence is gone.
but the memory.
in my brain.
is still there.
i could remember as though
it happened yesterday.
but.
do you remember it.?
does it hurt when you remember it.?
or is it just a memory.
that has passed for 2 years.?
is it just that way.?
if it is.
why does it hurt me.
me alone.
why do i even.
get hurt over such a memory.
but even so.
i dont want to lose this memory.
i dont believe that.
any memory is worth forgetting.
none.
and im sure.
one day.
i'll get over this.
this feeling.
this memory.
im sure.
i'll be able to do that.

2005-12-20T18:36:00.000-08:00

today i realised.
it isnt what i want isnt it.?
i didnt want it to end up this way is it not.?
or is it cause i WANTED it to be that way.
to be like this.
for everyone to suffer.
is it that way.?
i dont know.
i dont know.
im running arent i.
running.
from everything.
betraying myself.
not believing myself.
is it that way.?
or.
is it that.
im afraid.
afriad that.
i'll nv get to be as close to you now.
is it that way.?
why.
why am i thinking that way.
i havent even tried.
why jump to conclusions.
so do i have to believe that life.
is like that.?
its to run.?
when you meet a problem.?
does it always have to be that way.?
why.
who set that rule.?
all these questions flashing across my mind.
but.
i dont have that answer.
none.
all i kept doing was to leave every problem into that box.
in a box.
that i'll never open again.
isnt that running away.?
not wanting to face the problem.?
why.
i dont know.
a thousand whys.
and no answer.
none.
i tell ppl that i believe life is to see others happy.
to laugh.
to cry.
to enjoy.
to play.
but.
im not thinking that way at all.
am i.?
i feel horrible telling people that.
cause.
to me.
to live is to die again.
is it not.?
no its not.
what i tell others.
are different.
to my thinking.
why.?
i can help others.
but i cant help myself.
at all.
and im all the time trying my best.
to be happy.
to see the people around me.
be happy.
but inside.
am i smiling.?
am i.
really smiling.?
if i am.
why is there.
a dark shadow.
there.
deep down.
im hiding.
from what.
from who.
i dont know.
and i hope.
i'll be able to find that answer.
to fight this dark shadow.
to really.
smile.

2005-12-19T21:30:00.000-08:00

when i saw your nick.
i felt happy.
finally.
you're able to be happy.
new reasons to live.
i thank god you found them.
i'm the one who caused your troubles.
and i cant solve them for you..
im so sorry.
i didnt mean for it that way.
i wanted to help you see.
that there are many things in life worth living for.
but i failed.
i brought more things that arent worth living for.
im so sorry.
i didnt mean it that way.
i felt that.
im the cause.
i dont want to bring anymore trouble to you.
no more.
i know it must have been hard on you.
and im sorry.
a setback after another.
again and again.
making you lose hope.
im sorry.
i didnt mean it that way.
if only you didnt know me..
is what i always thought of.
cause if it wasnt for me.
nothing of these would have happened.
nothing.
and now.
after seeing your nick.
i felt relieved.
you were able to cherish your life now.
you're able to see.
that there are reasons to live.
in this world.
i thank god.
i really do.
im sorry for causing you problems.
i feel that.
its best.
if you do not associate with me.
for i.
am a horrible person.
i cause trouble for everyone.
everyone.
and im truely sorry.
i heard you're doing fine.
and i really felt relieved.
my whole heart sank when i realised you lost hope.
lost hope to live.
i really wanted you.
to see that there is something in life worth living for.
and i only made it worse.
i made it much much more worse..
but now.
i really thank god you're okay.
i didnt want to say this to you on the tele.
or on msn.
cause i know.
i wouldnt be able to say it.
out.
just like that.
so i hope.
you'll read this.
you'll know im refering to you.
and i just want to remind you.
there is no such thing as living without a reason.
you're born for a reason.
it may be for a person.
or a job.
or something.
you live for a reason.
you may be living to help someone.
or do something great.
but i feel.
that by living.
you're able to smile.
able to laugh.
to cry.
to enjoy.
to see that.
your friends.
family.
anyone.
are happy.
too be able to share your friend's trouble.
to be able to help when your friend is in need.
i feel that.
that is my reason to live.
i hope that.
you'll be able to find your reason.
that reason.
worth living for.
so.
dont take life so lightly.
you're lucky to be alive.
to have a family.
to have friends.
you're fortunate.
please see that.
if you leave.
everyone would be sad.
trust me.
its not that people dont like you.
they are just not used to be with people like you.
cause you're unique.
someone like you cant be found on any street.
you're not weird.
you arent a freak.
you're just unique.
and im sure.
there are people.
people near you.
or those you havent met.
they would love you for who you are.
im sure.
you're able to meet that someone.
someday.
so.
i hope now.
that you're reading this.
and understand.
that im sorry.
and i hope that.
you wont treat your life.
that lightly.
anymore..

2005-12-18T16:13:00.000-08:00

blehhs.
CURSE THAT IDIOT.
who tempered with my html.?!
and all along i thought my pic aint working.
WENT TO SEE HTML.
shock in my life.
WHERES THE OTHER HALF.!?
why is there a BIG gap in the middle.!?
OOOOOOHHHH.!!
that made me so pissed.
HAD TO REDO IT AGAIN.!
blehhs.
NOW ITS DONE.
but slightly different.
BLEHHS.
haha.
i cant remember some parts of it.
SO I HAD TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT.
haiis.
haha.
OHH.
and today.
IS CHERYL'S BDAY.!
haha.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERYL.!
haha.
today. i decided.
I WONT BE JUMPING ANYMORE.
i'll TRAIN.
no more jumping.
NOT NOW.
haha.
no mood.!?
FOR 2 WHOLE DAYS.
I COULDNT GET IT DONE.
forget it.
I'LL JUST TRAIN.
or i'll slow down.
haha.
yay.
haha.
finally didi is back ^^
haha.
i wont be BORED anymore.!!
happy.!!
:)

2005-12-16T22:34:00.000-08:00

haha.
finally.
i feel that theres a load off me.
my homework.
IM STARTING.
haha.
finally.!?
after.?!
i dont know.
haha.
how long has it been.?
lol.
me and xinyi did alot today.
i think.?
haha.
maths.
is one review alot.?
HAHA.
i think so.?!
haha.
doesnt matter =)
at least its MOVING
haha.
anyway.
SHE IS COMING AGAIN NEXT WEEK.
haha.
HOW NICE.!
finally.
with her ard.
I'LL DEFINATELY DO MY HW.
for sure =)
haha.
shes my motivation ^^
haha. anyway.
DIDI IS COMING BACK IN 2 DAYS TIME.!
haha.
wait till he hears that.
I PLAY MAPLE.
haha.
shocking.?
VERY.
haa.
doesnt matter.
i'll let him know.
for sure ^^
anyway.
cheryl left.
today.
haiis.
CHERYL.
I'LL MISS YOU.!
haha.
hope you have a fun time in bangkok.!
haha.
you would.
haha.
you lurve bangkok.!
anyway.
i
will
finish
my
hw
:)

2005-12-15T21:51:00.000-08:00

i saw something freaky today on TV.
A MAN.
THAT COULD LEVITATE.
not like david blaine.
he could levitate.
HIGH
REALLY HIGH.
wow.
wow.
its crazy.
he said he meditated.
its not some camera trick.
wow.
if he could meditate.
I WANT TO MEDITATE TOO.!
haha.
I WANT TO FLY.
can you imagine.
a girl in a school canteen
FLYING ACROSS.
LIKE RAVEN IN TEEN TITANS.
wow.!!!
i cant imagine that.
wow. wow. wow.
haha.
and xinyi is coming to my house tml.
haha. i cant wait.
wait.
I CAN WAIT.
haha.
anyway.
WE ARE GOING TO COPY HW.!
haha.
to complete it.
HAHA.
so happy =)
finally.
MY WORRIES ARE OVER.
my hw problem.
IS FINALLY SOLVED
:)

2005-12-14T10:38:00.000-08:00

blehhs.
im damn pissed now.
HOW CAN MY AUNTIE KILL A BIRD.
hey.
that bird only just shit or pee in the kitchen.
I MEAN.
ITS STRAY. WILD.
how would it know that its not supposed to pee or shit in the kitchen.?
to it. its a comfortable place to shit on.
and my auntie is killing the bird for something it didnt know its wrong.
HOW UNFAIR IS THAT.
i dont care.
i'll get it out.
FOR SURE.
blehhs.
AND THE BBQ.
it was horrible.
REALLY HORRIBLE.
i mean.
IT WAS A TOTAL DISASTER.
ppl smoking.
drinking.
and they couldnt start the fire.
xinyi helped them start.
and you know what.?!
the burning ash 'jumped' onto my hair.
and now im a few strands of hair less.!
it hurts.!
i look like im balding =(
and you know what.?!
THEY KEEP PINPOINTING XINYI.
how mean is that.!?
me and xinyi got pissed.
and they make until so unhygienic.
see also loose your appitite.
forget it.
we ate at mac.
WHEN IT STARTED TO RAIN HEAVILY.
and we were really happy.
we were inside.
haha.
but when we got out.
THE PIT WAS LIKE IT WAS RANSACKED.
our bags were gone.
called huilian.
and realised they took shelter opposite.
when we got there.
YUHUI SCOLDED US BASTARDS.
erm. has it got to do with us.?
i mean.
THANKS ALOT OF HELPING WITH THE BAGS.
but we were not there to help.
sorry.!
whats that got to do with us as bastards.?
i dont know.
and the rest were like.
AMANDA.
WHERE YOU GO.!?
we were all wet.!
whatever.
sorry.!
i mean. me and xinyi took shelter right.?
its not really our fault is it.
anyway.
forget it.
whatever.
our fault so be it.
we sat on the rock.
talked about sad things.
when suddenly xinyi screammed.
COCKROACH.!!!
omg.!!! run.!!!
and i dropped my bag into a puddle of water.
ahh...
my white bag turned brown...
ahhh..
T.T
we sat on the beach later.
haiis.
how sad the day was.
we talked.
and suddenly.
we started worrying for perverts.!!
what to do if perverts come.?
like tong xin yuan like that.
kick their TOOTS.?
haha.
and make them impotent.?
xD
anyway..
SUDDENLY I SCREAMED.
not cause there was a pervert.
BUT CAUSE I REMEMBERED.
THAT EDMUND DIDNT PASS ME MY HW LIST.
i called him.
oops.
remembered his hp was lost.
called yongji.
and asked if edmund was there.
GUESS WHAT.
I HEARD BACKGROUND NOISES.
ohh ohh.~~
hey.!!!
i dont like it at all T.T
ANYWAY.
I DIDNT MANAGE TO GET IT.
haiis.
later.
my dad called.
said he was already there.
oops.?
had to go home T.T
haha. my bro came to pick us up.
AND GUESS WHAT.
DAVID THOUGHT MY BRO WAS JENSON
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHA
HAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAHA
AHAHAHAHAH
ok.
too funny.
anyway. thats the whole story.
my side of the story.
the horrible story.
of the BBQ.

2005-12-13T10:33:00.000-08:00

HAHA.

TODAY IS THE BBQ DAY.!
but theres one big big big problem.
IM SO EXCITED.!
thats the problem.
whenever im excited.
SOMETHING BAD WILL HAPPEN.
it has been like that since kindergarden.
hmmms.
now what.!?
what if it rains.!?
what if my blade's wheels CAME OFF.?!
omg.
im so scared >.< WHAT IF EDMUND DIDNT BRING MY CHINESE HW LIST.?!
he dies.!!!
haiis.
now what.!?
i dont know.!!!!
haiis.
i really dont know.
haha.
pretty boring today in maple.
NICK CANT COME ONLINE.
so boring.
haha.
he has always been my game partner xD anyway.
it gives me the chance to catch up with him.
he is lvl 26 already. IN JUST 5 DAYS. and im only lvl 23.!!
IN 5 DAYS.
i totally lose out to him mans. haha.
NICK.
IM SURE I'LL BE ABLE TO BE FASTER THAN YOU DONT BE TOO HAPPY.!!
haha.!!
ohh.
wish me good luck for today's BBQ ^^

2005-12-12T21:09:00.000-08:00

haha. today.
another stupid day
didnt touch my homework.
haha.
WHY.?!
i dont know.!
haha. been playing.
AGAIN.!?
yes.!!
haiis. how many more days till i have to go to school.?
erm.
i dont want to count.
anyway.
tomorrow is the BBQ,
how.?
i dont know.
should i go.?
dont go.?
GO OR NOT.!?
i dont know.!!
IF MY PARENTS SEE THEM DRINKING AND SMOKING.
how.!?
i dont know.
and. plus.
many ppl are not going.
so why should i go.?
FOR YOUR HOMEWORK LIST.
ohh. yea.
now how.!?
GO OR NOT.
go pluck a flower.
peel the petals.
and ask it if i should go or not.
HAHA.
or lucky draw.
I DONT KNOW.!
should i go.?
TELL ME SOMEONE.!!

2005-12-11T16:07:00.000-08:00

haiis.
thinking.
how to get my didi's christmas present.!?
haha. its to ex.
cheryl cant share with me.
and i only have 30 ++
but its 39.90.
so about40.
haiis.
someone help me.
money please fall from the sky.
>.<
i really think that it looks really cool.
uncommon too.
BUT.
what if he doesnt like it.?
i mean.
its not common.
and the way you wear it is different.
so.
if he finds it uncomfortable.
I WOULD HAVE WASTED MY MONEY.
haiis. how.?
and im still considering.
SHOULD I GO FOR THE CLASS BBQ.?
i want to.
but many of my friends arent going.
vivien. huilian.
haiis.
i need to pass your bday presents to you guys.!!
haiis. how.?
i dont know.
i mean.
xinyi is STILL considering.
so.
i dont know if i should go.
if she doesnt.?
and what if my parents saw what they are doing there.?
drinking.
smoking.
omg.
i dont know.
haiis. WHAT TO DO.!?

2005-12-10T22:01:00.000-08:00

haiis.
what a stupid day today is.
piano. didnt finish theory.
made me so scared.
went to tampines.
didnt tell my mom.
sat at one corner and did my theory.
but stopped half way.
haha.
why should i do homework now when i get to shop ard.?
haha. so i did it halfway.
haha. piano lesson.
SHE DIDNT ASK FOR MY THEORY.
what.?!
haha. i dont know.
cause i played my pieces badly.
haha.
today's piano lesson was FUNNY.
i still couldnt read the scores and play the piece.
cause I CANT SEE THE KEYS THAT WAY.
she taught me how she did hers.
AND I LOOKED LIKE A ROBOT.
stiff.
sat up straight.
STARING AT THE SCORES.
WRONG NOTES.!!!
all WRONG.
haha.
i cant get it.
if my hand lands at the wrong place.
i cant play.
at all.!! haha.
cause it would be all the wrong notes.
and i tried seeing my keys sometimes.
BUT I COULDNT.
haha.
i cant see it SOMETIMES.
i had t see it ALL THE TIME.
i had already memorisd the scores.
but i just memorised the wrong details.
haha. the way im playing is wrong.
and i dont know how to play.
haha. ohh wells.
so that was piano lesson.
haha.
i even complained that i was hungry.
growling.
luckily the sound of the piano covered it.
or i would be pretty embarrased xD
haha.
didnt have much time to play today.
i only leveled once.
now im level 20.
TOO SLOW.
haiis.
haha. on monday.
i had to chiong.
thats for sure.
haha. no more delays.
AT THE SAME TIME.
i had better start on my hw.
haha.
its BUGGING ME ALREADY
i cant take it.
MUST START.
but with maple
how to start.?
hmms.
and plus.
I CAN GO FOR MY CLASS'S BBQ.
like WOW..
thats so cool.
FINALLY.
I CAN GO.
but.!
i heard that many arent going.
haiis. vivien isnt going.
xinyi is reconsidering.
haiis.
i dont know.
i should have gone to yy's instead.
haiis.
now what.?
i dont know.
haha.
my life is in a totally mess.
WHAT SHOULD I DO.!?

2005-12-09T15:21:00.000-08:00

haiis.
didnt touch my homework again.
tomorrow theres piano.
and i havent dont my theory.
haiis. im so lazy to do them.
but its like.
WHO CARES.!?
haha.
wait.
I CARE.
i NEED to care.
my piano teacher might call my mom if i dont do them anymore.
if its that way,
I WOULD BE BANNED FROM THE NET.
ohh no.
i dont want to do them now.
not now.
haha.
maybe while watching anime.
but you know what.?
haha.
i started MAPLE again.
i restart. haha.
if anyone read this.
you would know that im playing maple.
i dont want to tell you guys.
im pressurised again.
i started yesterday.
now its level 16.
tough.
being a rogue.
but its cool.
see a monster.
SWISH.**
DIE.!
haha.
how nice.
haha. anyway.
i dont wish to know any of my class's maple accounts.
ANY.
i dont want to know.
later i feel pressurised again
i dont want to.
i play for the FUN of it.
and not to be STRESSED over.
haha.
i wont add any of you people.!!
haha.
except my precious XINYI
haha. i dont mind adding her.
she wont give me stress.
haha. shes nice ^^
shes my
BEST FRIEND.!
:)

2005-12-08T17:00:00.000-08:00

haha. been playing for the whole day.
you know what.
im supposed to do my maths today.
and i didnt.!
what date is it today.?
8 december.!
thinking of the date makes me shiver.
why.?
cause its DECEMBER.
and whats more.
i'm only left with 15 more days to COMPLETE my homework.
does it freak you out.?
if it doesnt,
it freaks ME out.
cause i can never complete my homework by then.
NEVER.
ok. now im scaring myself.
thinking how SERIOUS this is.
but at the same time,
i really dont want to do my homework.
not now.
haha. if not now, when.?
whats more.
today is a THURSDAY.
i have theory to do.!
which means.?
im left with 2 days before my piano.!
omg. help me someone.
nope. i have to help myself.
i cant. blehhs.
no determination.
haha. or.
TOO LAZY
thats it.
its im too lazy.
haiis.
haha. ohh wells.
nothing really happened today.
extremely boring.
i cant go for the BBQ today.
how sad.
my parents didnt allow me.
and xinyi is going T.T
haiis.
cant see her again.
i want to go.!!
i dont even know if i can go to the CLASS'S BBQ
not fair.
haiis.
my whole holidays.
i think i've NEVER been out.
not with friends.
not with cousins.
none.
haiis.
when will they believe that he isnt my bf.
well. i think it would take years.
i mean. its my fault for lying.
but i would like to clarify.
that HE IS NOT MY BF.
he is NOT.!
so. in any case.
CHERYL IS NOT TO BE BLAMED TOO.
i mean.
it happened on ME.
no one else.
NO CHERYL.
so why is she having treatments like that too.?
kind of unfair.
im so sorry.
i got you into trouble too.
talking at night ISNT A BGR thing.
please.
if i talked to xinyi till 1 plus.
does it mean im a lesbian.?
NO.!
anyway, im not SWEET TALKING.
NO MUSHY STUFFS.
NONE.
why.?
CAUSE HE REALLY ISNT MY BF.
ohh please believe me.
i cant do anything if you dont believe me.
you blame me for things i didnt do.
banned from the net so i wont see him online.
a last time thing.
but WOW.!?
so if i knew him for my life,
im banned from the internet all my life.!?
NO.!
he is just a friend.!
is there a problem with him as a friend.?
you keep saying he is my BF.
okay. so you'd rather believe that he is my bf.
what can i do.?
i kept denying.
you dont believe.
so you believe your daughter as a flirt.?
or some rebellious girl.
but im not.
really.
i mean. i can be rude.
and dont do things you tell me to sometimes.
but thats really not that bad.
you should count yourself lucky.
cause if im really rebellious.
i would just walk out of the house and go for the BBQ now.
i have the key.
i could just do that.
but i didnt.
i really do listen to you.
you just dont count how lucky you are.
im really sorry that im rude sometimes.
but cause im angry.
i cant control.
sorry.
but all i want to tell you is that.
I DONT HAVE A BF.
i know my piorities.
studies is number one.
tho i dont really treat my studies as number one.
but i know.
the BGR thing.
will be a REAL LATE thing.
not a 14 yr old thing.
you think of me as a small girl.
as those you see on the news.
who would just go to any guy's house
and do stupid things.
i know you told me those cause you cared.
but i really know how to think.
i know its WRONG to do stupid things like that.
i know its WRONG to have a bf now.
but now you dont believe me.
and im sad.!
i cant go out.
ohh please.
that time i went to dental.
and i forgot about the same day thing.
i REALLY forgot.
im sorry.
but i wasnt MEETING ANYONE.
for crying out loud.
i feel like bashing you all when you guys say that.
makes my blood boil.
didnt you see the steam coming out of my ears.?
haiis. who am i talking to now.?
to the person reading this.?
or to my mom and dad.
they will never see this.
yep. so.
forget what i said.
im just writing what flows in my mind.
and the BBQ reminds me of it.
sad.
i really want to go.
sounds like so much fun.
sad sad sad. **
so whatever i do.
hope you'll forgive me.
for i cant control my temper.
sometimes.

2005-12-07T18:29:00.000-08:00

haha.
just came back from dental.!!
guess what.?
the dentist said that i could take them off after 2 appointments.!!
haha.
that would be..
FEBRUARY.!
isn't that FAST.!?
WAY TOO SOON.!!
haha.
after my birthday.
dentist is leaving tho.
sad. haha.
i always felt comfortable with that dentist.
he is so patient.
ohh wells.
he asked a weird question tho.
has anyone laughed at your chinese name.?
uh oh.
what a question.
my answer.?
NOPE.
is that a lie.?
haha. should be.
i've been LAUGHED at cause of my chinese name.
when i was KINDERGARDEN.!?
haha. such a long time ago and i remembered.
HAN QI.
AHH CHOO.!
SHEN QI.!
all my names in kindergarden.
DON'T EVER CALL ME THOSE NOW.
i didn't put it here for you to call me.
haha. but AMANDA.
that name. SO MANY NICKNAMES.
i won't mention.
IM SURE SOMEONE WILL CALL ME THOSE AGAIN.
anyway. i was making such a fool of myself.
why do i have to go up and down the STAIRS.?!
haha. my slippers are making SO MUCH NOISE.
PIACK PIACK PIACK **
aiiyos. become main attraction le lehhs.
DINOSAUR INCOMMING.
MAKE WAY.!!
haha. next time you hear some really loud PIACKING noise.
you'll know its me.
AMANDA.!

2005-12-07T10:41:00.000-08:00

haiis.
sad.
i didnt reply before he went.!
why did i even sleep like a pig.?!
haiis.
i didnt reply my didi's sms.!
i replied late.
and he was on his way to the airport when i replied.
he sent me an sms at 4.13 and 4.15.
i replied.?'
4.58.!!
ahh.!
im so sorry didi.
you have always replied me before i go overseas.
but i didnt.
this round.
im so so so sorry.
disappointed in myself.
i on the loudest BEEP and vibration.
how could i miss that.!?
i dont know how i missed that.
under my pillow.
ohh wells.
hope you can hear this telepathic-ly,
have a great trip.!
haha. beijing is fun.
ohh and take pictures.!
haha.
i want to see your hair.!!
hees.
takkaire when you're there.!
tell me when you're back :)